I have now lived for over three decades in these United States. That is nearly two-thirds of my life. Sixteen years ago, I became a citizen of the US, but I had started to feel like one long before that. In fact, in the nineties, returning from every trip to India, even as my plane taxied to the gate at the airport, I would feel greatly reassured that I was back home at last. This feeling, which I’m sure many other immigrants can relate to, is not at odds with the fact that I still love India, and grew inexplicably fonder of her as the years rolled on. But, home is where the heart is, as the saying goes, and much of my life’s learnings and moorings are right here. And, as yet another anniversary is being marked, I can’t but reminisce warm-heartedly over my evolution through these decades.

The unremarkable manner of my decision to study in the US surprised many because it was never an ambition of mine. Coming from a middle-class south-Indian brahmin family, it was just something one did backed by a supportive family. We were self-respecting and educated, but of limited means and opportunity, and therefore, were sure to sink into mediocrity if we stayed back in India. Or, so we thought, and why not? After all, USA was the land of opportunity for even average ones like me. If we managed to get here, we just needed some elbow grease to make it good in the US, and then some more to polish it all off to a bright sheen.

The trend was to come here on a student visa, toil hard, earn a master’s degree, perhaps even a doctorate, then line up a job, get a work visa, go home to an arranged bride, get married, return with the bride on a dependent visa, make a baby, buy a house, get the green card, climb up the career-ladder and so on. After all, this was life in paradise, lived up in creature comforts, without any of the venality our cousins endured back home to get through everyday existence. I fell into the groove of this trend like the others and went through all of these metamorphic stages. Well, most of them anyway.

Looking back at this journey, much personal transformation took place. Some changes were superfluous, while others deeply cultural. The superfluous ones were those that made me “fit in.” My English, for example. Although I was fluent in the English language prior to getting here, to fit in, I had much to unlearn and discard, and even more to absorb. I had to straighten out my Vs and Ws; leave behind the “do-the-needfuls” and the “may-I-know-your-good-names”; become gentler on my Rs and discover a new “a” sound; place emphasis on syllables differently, and mostly, learn new spellings of old words. Other changes were taking place too. There were new standards of personal hygiene – shower twice a day, dab anti-perspirant, wear an undershirt, no facial hair and those sorts of things. Then there were behavioral modifications -- like showing up to engagements on time; no jay-walking anymore; and, most of all, not following street signs was no longer an option.

In this transformation, it strikes me, the most valuable changes were the cultural ones. Some changes were deliberately implemented. For instance, my colleagues at work would frequently get annoyed at how I interrupted more and listened less in conversations. Over the years, I did learn to wait my turn to get in a word in conversations – truth be told, I still struggle at this! I also determined to lose the “no, no,” at the beginning of my sentences. I fixed my head nod, shake and roll, so my American mates would not misunderstand me when I said “yes,” or “no,” or simply agreed with them. For an exceptionally impatient guy, I also learned to stand in line at places like the DMV. Growing up in India, I did no such thing. Back then, I remember queuing up at the stop to get on a Delhi metro-bus until it arrived, but the moment it turned up, I would race to be the first one to hop on the footboard. Such is the extent of my change now, that I don’t even do a “California Roll” at a stop-sign at midnight! What’s more, I surprise myself when I occasionally stop to pick up trash while on a trail!

Even as I was getting settled in as a student, travel and vacationing became an integral part of life and an invaluable tool to learn about the country. The easy ownership of automobiles, the vast network of pristinely maintained highways, traveler-friendly road signs and conveniently located rest areas beckoned me to get around. Soon I became acquainted with and connected to the USA and its diverse landscapes settled by people that came in waves from distant lands, but had same aspirations as me.

Cultural transformation also meant learning the uniquely American way of living – coupons, credit cards for this and that, frequent flier miles, club memberships, and so on. In fact, keeping a monthly home mortgage and a car loan payment became a part of your reality. If you were the kind to learn quickly, you knew how important it is in the USA to keep a clean driving record alongside an even cleaner credit file with a good FICO score. The latter habit determined just about everything you became entitled to in your life in the US.

When you are an immigrant like me, there are other lessons as well – that you can’t live vicariously through your US-born children, and steep them in Indian tradition. Even though we did our part as driven Indian parents do – pushing our son to make the best grades, excel at music performances, academic Olympiads and out of town games – there came a time, not too long ago, when the realization hit me that our son is likely to make choices very different from ours. I’ve also now reconciled to the reality that one can only hope for some continuity to the past. And, if I don’t get it, I have to accept it.

There is much more to write on this subject, and I will get back to doing so at a later time. However, as I conclude this piece for now, I find myself a very, very different person from the one that boarded the Air India plane to get here more than three decades ago. The person I am now, is infinitely more aware and plugged into the world. I am also supremely confident that I can effect change with my choices and actions. This faith in my ability to choose and act is the greatest gift America gave me. It is the one ingredient that makes up the basis of immigrants' American dreams.

Cheers

I do not believe I am an atheist in the traditional sense of the word, but I do not subscribe to the God concept as unfolded to us in popular religion.  The part of the explanation given to us about a presiding human-like deity employing our species at the apex of it all is particularly unconvincing to me.  Of course, I admit, being an atheist or a true-believer, both positions require tremendous faith in one’s self.  I suspect that my path to such a state is likely to be an experiential one and not logical.  I am aware, even if only for an epiphanic moment, that I am not the body in which I’m ported, nor am I the mind that composes or recognizes these thoughts.  I appreciate with conviction that I am beyond all that.  However, I am not able to be permanently ensconced in such a state of awareness.

To make sense of our reality, intuitively and from my devout rearing, I acknowledge the existence of a unifying consciousness that permeates all life.  This universal consciousness (variously referred to as “God,” “Awareness,” “Universal Soul,” etc.) to me, is yet undefined or undefinable by humans altogether.  In a later essay, I will attempt to describe my thoughts on the nature of this unifying consciousness-entity.  For now, let’s stipulate that this entity must operate uniformly in all the environments we call our universe – physical, mental, social and spiritual.

In this piece, the subject I want to explore further is the fundamental incompatibility between the concepts of Karma (actions and their consequences) and Grace (divine intercession to grant mercy, provide wisdom to make choices, to deliver benevolence, or even, to wipe away misfortune).  We may choose to look at these constructs thusly: while Karma is the unerringly cold calculus beneath nature’s ordering of the universe, Grace is the liniment that gives hope, prevents adversity, or mends pain in the living.  Even though many of us understand Karma and have accepted its inevitability, every one of us simply appreciates a break from it one time or another, especially when things do not seem to go our way.  The faithful supplicate to receive this break from an omniscient deity “watching over” to shield them from adversity, or, at the very least to nudge matters along for a less harsh outcome.

What exactly is Karma?  It is the eternal but unfailing accounting of our actions and the reactions they cause.  In a kinetic sense, Karma means “action,” and the actors in this universe make infinite choices to act willingly or otherwise, every single second. Those actions result in consequences that the universe must accommodate within the framework of nature’s operating scheme.  Some consequences appear immediately, some take a while to manifest, while others go unrecognized by the limited human awareness of the time.

Let’s also understand the types of “actors.”  There are those that struggle with the unpleasant consequences of their actions or their current existential state and invoke divine intervention for a reprieve (“Grace”).  These same actors also claim “good grace” when the results of perceived intervention appear favorable.  Some among us, especially the more resolved, find a way to not quarrel with the universe over the consequences, whether they are favorable or not.  Of course, there are also others that do not at all recognize that their actions have a bearing on their station in life – they live in clueless oblivion.

Among major established religions, Christianity and Islam appear to treat Grace solely as the domain of the infinite (read “God”) to deliver mercy to those looking for salvation from sins regardless of their actions and resultant consequences.  Hinduism and Buddhism, however, appear to treat Karma as a means to gain merits or lose them on their way to deliverance.  Of these two, Buddhism seems more prescriptive in making followers take responsibility for actions, empowering the laity to achieve enlightenment through self-discipline and personal effort.  Hinduism attempts to integrate Karma and Grace into the discourse, often simultaneously.  In the Hindu Yogic way of living, oneness in God could be attained though virtuous actions, combined with faith (bhakti) and the realization that the supplicant, the prayer and God are all one.  For the purpose of this theme, given I was born and brought up in a practicing Hindu family, I am going to stick to what I know and have experienced.

And, what I know and have experienced are the following: that the chips always fall where they should, subject to the forces of nature, of course.  Forces of nature are always unerring and predictable.  The only times they appear unpredictable are when we can’t adequately comprehend the variables involved in determining where the chips fall.  For example, a human falling from the top of a multi-storied building is likely to be gravely injured, often fatally so.  This is because gravity, a true force of nature, will act the way it always has in bringing objects down to earth.  If there is no fatality, there is more than likely an explanation for it, but the narrow escape from death is not the result of grace.  For example, the wind (another force of nature) might have aided in softening the rate of descent.  Or, perhaps, the angle of impact kept the extremely vulnerable visceral parts from fatal harm.  And, so on.  The proponents of the Grace concept would argue that the favorable outcome was the direct result of a divine hand.

Hindu lore is replete with tales of divine pardon for the faithful from negative consequences of their deeds.  The presiding deity is often seen to be given or taking credit for the intervention.  At the same time, there are also countless stories of characters in the great epics having turned out not so lucky as to get that reprieve, and instead, having had to face the music of their indelible Karma.  In those cases, the deity is often described to have chosen to not “interfere” with the Karmic order of the universe.  Additionally, in Hinduism there are also remedies for the atonement or expunging of negative consequences through specially prescribed penances that may be undertaken by the wretched.

Back to the mechanics of Karma.  Every action (conceived or inadvertent) has a consequence.  Some consequences are noticeable within our attention span, while others take an indeterminable number of generations to reveal themselves.  A cliched, but very real example is the poor condition of the environment we inhabit in many parts of the world today.  This is an example of delayed recognition of the consequences of our actions.  The consequence of the indiscriminate cutting of trees for today’s benefit manifests itself in so many ways: degradation of air quality, soil erosion, and wildlife stock depletion to list just a few.  There are also unrecognized consequences that we possess little estimation of today – for example, what are the effects of indiscriminate mining for resources?  Is the earth’s core affected when we drill to varying depths?  What about its effect on our planet’s magnetic axis, given so much depends on it?  And, so on.  The consequences from these types of actions affect us universally.  Along this line of reasoning, we also know that when we plant trees with a view to enriching the environment for future benefit, we are sure to reap positive outcomes.  In other words, consequences (“where the chips fall”), regardless of when they manifest as outcomes, are always subject to the laws of nature.

While we are on the subject of actions and consequences, let’s talk a bit about these natural laws for a moment.  The variables that get influenced by the laws of nature are indeed infinite.  Let’s go back to our example of the unfortunate falling human that is subject to gravity.  It is not inconceivable that gravity alone does not hold the key to the outcome.  In fact, very likely, there may be wind playing a role in modifying the trajectory of the fall; or, a protrusion from a balcony several floors below that makes the fall more severe; or a flower-bed at the very location of impact on the ground that cushions the blow and perhaps even saves the individual from injury.  And, so on and on, we can see that the outcome is a result of all these variables.  The point here is that, nature, of which we are also a part, has to play a role once the action is committed, and that it will faithfully play that role taking every variable into the mix.

Now back to the concept of grace. If we pray that the individual should survive the fall, we are indeed asking nature to suspend its law(s) for a desirable outcome (that is, not experience a grave injury).  Why are we so special that we should receive this intercession?  In some cultures, there are elaborate means of placating the Gods to derive such benefits, not unlike slipping a bribe, as behaviors go.  My conviction is that if we must place faith in nature and its unerring wisdom, we are forfeiting our claim to special treatment that suits our preference for a desired outcome.  This conviction is born out of another, that holds that nature does not discriminate between actors, or their choices, or indeed their actions, whether they are intended or not.  Furthermore, this “nature” must be the creation of that unifying entity.

And, from this conviction is born my notion that the upholder of these laws of nature is the undefined (by us mere humans anyway!) unifying entity.  Each of us, whether of the human species or not, is an integral unit of this entity that has evolved to make choices and perform actions to create outcomes.  These outcomes are entirely up to us to shape through our free, creative will, but, fully subject to the forces of nature.  If the choices and actions, intended or inadvertent, are indeed in alignment with the forces of nature, the probability of achieving the intended outcomes are high, but not guaranteed.

This brings me to really what I wanted to say to anyone who cared to read this far: put your faith in yourself and Karma.  Not Grace.  You can’t influence much, but your Karma is really only what you control.  As cold and hopeless as it may seem, there is no one watching over you, but your own free will to make choices, and associations, and to act on them.  As I now progress spiritually in fits and starts, I am becoming ever so sure that my infinitesimal being is, but a unit of the infinite and is empowered to make choices and act for me and for the rest of my universe.  My efforts, struggles, and mis-starts at recognizing this truth drive me to reject form-based deities that have come down on the earth to put us right.

Of course, great individuals have been born in our midst from time to time and have enlightened us with their messages, but we must acknowledge that they were also exactly like us.  Who knows, in the centuries and millennia to follow, evolution will yet bring out a more intelligent creature that can intellectually process more variables at a time than we do.  And, perhaps, such a creature will assume the arrogance of superiority over all other species, including us humans!  As matters stand, in this physical cosmos, we only understand our earth, and there is much more to understand in matter, space and time.  And, as we do that, we ought to understand and explain how physics and metaphysics could also behave as one, because in our quest for oneness, they must.

Cheers.